..:: Pieces of Mandy ::..

Hey everyone,

My new blog is up!!! I'm quite excited to share some new entries and updates on what's going on now in my life. It's 2005, year of the Rooster.. plenty is bound to happen.

My first entry is already up and I'm looking to retire this blog. Although, I won't erase it completely - you can come back anytime you'd like to read old entries, to leave comments, etc.

The first entry is entitled: "Already Married" :)

P.S. - I'm sending out an e-mail to the readers that I know visit the page often. Please don't be offended if I've missed you - I probably don't think you're reading anymore. Just e-mail me and I'll send the new address your way! (I prefer to do it this way so that random strangers can't just get to the new blog address).

Thanks!
Mandy

Hey guys,

I think it might be time for a new blog...my archives are getting pretty crazy...

I'll keep you posted by e-mail. Give me about a week to design it. If you don't get an e-mail of the new blog, write me at: mandy.lam@gmail.com

Mandy

Do you ever meet the kind of people who complain about everything in life??? It's really beginning to bother me. There are a few people I know who constantly complain about their lives... if it's not their family, it's school. If it's not school, it's something else. I mean, who doesn't have problems??? The point is, not the entire world needs to know about them.

I mean, talking to your friends about something that bothers you is different.. that's relating and confiding in someone you trust.. but when you're downright complaining all the time about everything to everyone that will take a minute to talk to you, it gets to look a bit pathetic.

Life is full of ups and down... life is full of surprises...life is full of challenges. It adds character. There are some people I talk to that just complain about the most minute things...it makes them look so obnoxious and desparate for attention. It's almost worth it NOT to talk to these people anymore - I'm afraid of their pessimism rubbing off on me - you know, it's contagious!

How come you never find people sitting around going "You know, I'm feeling really good today...today is a great day." Instead, there are the people who sit and say, "Omg...I can't stand it anymore! lalalalalala." I can sit around and complain that school empties out my pockets or i can go out and get a job.

There are bigger things going on in this world. I used to have a friend who just complained and complained to me all the time.. then I realized.. she was looking for my sympathy and for me to tell her how great she was and that she didn't deserve what was happening to her. It's the people who complain for sympathy that really annoy me. If you have the time to sit and whine about it - then you have the time to go out and do something about it!

Learn to accept in silence the minor aggravations, cultivate the gift of taciturnity, and consume your own smoke with an extra draft of hard work, so that those about you may not be annoyed with the dust and soot of your complaints. ~William Osler

I know a girl
She puts the color inside of my world
But she's just like a maze
Where all of the walls all continually change
And I've done all I can
To stand on her steps with my heart in my hands
Now I'm starting to see
Maybe it's got nothing to do with me

Oh, you see that skin?
It's the same she's been standing in
Since the day she saw him walking away
Now she's left
Cleaning up the mess he made

Boys, you can break
You'll find out how much they can take
Boys will be strong
And boys soldier on
But boys would be gone without the warmth from
A womans good, good heart

On behalf of every man
Looking out for every girl
You are the god and the weight of her world

So Fathers, be good to your daughters
Daughters will love like you do
Girls become lovers who turn into mothers
So mothers, be good to your daughters too

- John Mayer, Daughters

It's day 3 of being apart from SS who is on a business trip in Livonia. I must say, it's been quite nice to have the free time and the free space...but I find myself back in the gist of listening to sad love songs and looking at our pictures.

It's funny because I always tell him that I need the space for myself...that I need time to do homework and to hang out with girlfriends and to watch television, but now that he's gone...i miss him.

Times like these make me wonder about what I really want. Do I want someone who is never around and doesn't mind when I ask for space and time alone... or do I want someone who can't wait to see me... who can't wait to come home.. who counts the number of sleeps until he can see me again...

I know that I want to see more of him...but the question is... how do you depend on someone without losing your independence?I keep thinking about what it would be like to spend everyday together...to wake up together, have dinner together, to read together in bed, to sleep together...there is such a feeling of comfort in all of this "togetherness" but at the same time, I become really nervous. What if boredom arises..what if the chemistry disappears...what if...

I remember when I first started dating SS... I hesitated because I didn't know if the relationship would work. And he said to me with the utmost confidence: "You can go through a million what-if's in your mind...but don't you want to at least give it a shot?" And I realized then that we couldn't keep it simple forever...so we made it complex and here we are...at another stepping stone and I'm asking myself..."Should we complicate things?" :) I say: "Yes - Let's give it a shot."

So we all got our grad pics the other week and I must say, they look awesome! :) The best part is, we're all looking forward to graduating in June...it feels like such an accomplishment. Sure, there were hard times...but nothing ever worth having ever comes easy...

I think people expect too much from school sometimes. Having good grades doesn't define who you are. And ultimately, 10 years from now, it won't matter in the bigger scope of things. What I'm going to remember the most about University is watching TV with my girls, that one crazy summer with Laurie, drinking too much during the first couple of years, breakups, hookups, staying up late finishing last-minute essays, cooking dinner together and of course, 284 Westcourt (my high AND low of University).

Despite everything that has happened in the past five years, I can't help but look back and smile. We've made it this far and how could I ever look back and regret? I have realized who my life long friends are and am grateful for those who stopped by.

I can't wait for all of our families to get together this June before grad...gathering for a pre-party...it's going to be great.

As for what we're all doing after University... who knows... some of us want to do more school..some of us are getting married (heheh)...some of us are traveling..some of us may never leave Waterloo (that would be me)...what I do know is that weddings, babies and traveling purposes will bring us all back together one day. I better end this here.. I'm getting all emotional!!!

Smile at me
Let me see
the kindess
in your face

Whisper to me
Let me hear
the voice
no other hears

Bring me closer
Let me feel
the heartbeat
upon your chest

Look at me
And You will see

In my eyes
you are

Love defined.

- for SS, 14/02/05

Even the best fall down sometimes
Even the wrong words seem to rhyme
Out of the doubt that fills my mind
I somehow find
You and I collide

I'm quiet you know
You make a frist impression
I've found I'm scared to know I'm always on your mind

Even the best fall down sometimes
Even the stars refuse to shine
Out of the back you fall in time
I somehow find
You and I collide

- Howie Day

This year, I'm dreading Valentine's Day.. I don't know why, really. The older I get, the more I realize what Valentine's really symbolizes... a reminder to express love. Have we really become so obscene that we cannot remember to express love on a daily basis that we need to designate ONE day of the year to show it? Isn't the idea of it a little bit crazy??

Every year, I know people who get mad at their bfs/gfs because Valentine's doesn't go right - they don't get the right roses or the right gifts... it's stupid, really. Are you really going to throw a fuss and force your significant other to show love for you in the way that YOU want him/her to?

My bf lovingly asks me, "What do you want for Valentine's this year?" as if I should be requesting things for him to go out and get for me! Love isn't something you need to request!! When he shows up with flowers for me on an ordinary day without obligation, I cherish them so much more...because I know.. on that given day, he thought about me and decided he wanted to give me flowers. Honestly, I know this sounds terribly cliche...but Valentine's Day shouldn't just be one day of the year... don't you think we MISS out on every other day if we just expect it on this ONE day of the year?

Funny, you can really tell how much someone loved you when you break-up. I'm talking to a friend and he CANNOT stop calling his xgf all the bad names that you can call a girlfriend. I'm getting quite annoyed. When you love someone, you don't say shit like that about them when you're no longer together!

If my xbf ever called me a bitch or a whore or wished death and harm upon me and my family, I would so beserk! And yes, these are the things my friend is telling me. It's absurd!

I don't know what I would do if I had a really bitter break-up. I always though break-ups were supposed to be mutual, and if not, two people could mutually respect each other and REMEMBER that they once loved each other. Even though my xbf and I had a hard break-up with a lot of mixed feelings involved, we never called each other names and such...eventually, it became a mutual understanding between us that it just didn't work out. We can still talk today without the resentment.

How can you harbour that much hate for someone that you once adored!?