..:: Pieces of Mandy ::..

I'm at a loss for words. Today has got me thinking about sad things. Maybe I'm just being emotional. I keep thinking that this entire time that I've been away at University, I've been so selfish in my own right. I've packed up my things to go... I've said goodbye to my family, friends and bf with a smile... all in the quest to be on my own and away from everybody. It's been so easy for me to say goodbye to other people when I'm the one leaving. I've convinced myself that it's for my own good. I've convinced myself that people who love me will wait for me to come back. I've convinced myself that I've got to start doing things for myself - even at the expense of other people's feelings. That's because.. I've always been the one to go..

And now, I find myself in a position where I am staying.. and someone is leaving me temporarily to pursue bigger goals... The last time I felt this way was when Adam left for University. I regret ever making him feel guilty about it... because I know that I would never take that from anyone. I accused him of forgetting about us while he was enjoying his time in University and it wasn't until I made it here that I realized, you have to make the best of the time that you have - your family should be supportive and loving. I'm sure that he had a great time...but he sure didn't need me there making him feel guilty. For that, I am sorry, Adam.

I know that I am more mature now, and my thinking is different. I need to be okay with distance and I need to be okay on my own. I need to have the security within myself to know that I don't need company all the time to feel complete.

I want to be supportive, loving and happy... I want to be all of that so noone has to feel guilty. I want to be able to say: "I am sad that you are leaving because I will miss you so much, but I want you to make the best of this opportunity. I am here for you whenever you need me."