Thursday, February 26, 2004
Old Flames Never Die Out...
It seems that we can never escape from the exes. They come up here and there and manage to make an appearance when you least expect it.
I don't think it's "necessary" to keep in touch with an ex. Some people may disagree.. but here's my logic. When two people break up, there are obviously reasons why that happens. Whether it be incompatibility, a lack of consideration, infidelity or even just becoming bored... there are REASONS.
When I broke up with my xbf, I tried to do the friend thing... but he was honest with me and said that he could not be my friend. He had a point and I didn't see it at the time - he said that we have a history and he can't possibly see me in a different light and call me a friend when we've had something so much more. Time can change that but it's going to take a while. He says that he cannot see me with someone else and be "okay" with it - it's nice to say that it's okay but he'd be lying.
So.. on occasion, we talk but rarely seriously and most of the time, I'm reminded of why we broke up in the first place. I think I owe it to him to stay away and let him move on and give him space to get over what happened between us. And if he had a gf, I would not want to be the lingering presence in his life.
I don't understand why an xgf would stick around in the picture unless she wants something. Honestly...a lot of girls would agree. If you leave someone, you want to stay gone.. unless you harbour feelings of guilt...or love. I've had girlfriends who are "friends" with their exes...but it's because it gives them a boost of confidence to know that he still has a weak spot for her.
These "boosts of confidence" aren't real sincerity...they are merely a way to reassure yourself that you still have someone who cares about you.
In my opinion, it's disrespectful..and it's unfortunate. Guys think differently though - they look at it as a sign of maturity when they can still relate to their exes. Some guys have had to learn the hard way...you'd have to be a girl to understand that there is a level of manipulation that girls are capable of...whether it be to gain confidence, sympathy...or just to get what they want.
I have a lingering presence in my relationship...and it bothers me to every extent...because even though i don't know this person...I know what some girls are like...and that's enough for me.
I don't think it's "necessary" to keep in touch with an ex. Some people may disagree.. but here's my logic. When two people break up, there are obviously reasons why that happens. Whether it be incompatibility, a lack of consideration, infidelity or even just becoming bored... there are REASONS.
When I broke up with my xbf, I tried to do the friend thing... but he was honest with me and said that he could not be my friend. He had a point and I didn't see it at the time - he said that we have a history and he can't possibly see me in a different light and call me a friend when we've had something so much more. Time can change that but it's going to take a while. He says that he cannot see me with someone else and be "okay" with it - it's nice to say that it's okay but he'd be lying.
So.. on occasion, we talk but rarely seriously and most of the time, I'm reminded of why we broke up in the first place. I think I owe it to him to stay away and let him move on and give him space to get over what happened between us. And if he had a gf, I would not want to be the lingering presence in his life.
I don't understand why an xgf would stick around in the picture unless she wants something. Honestly...a lot of girls would agree. If you leave someone, you want to stay gone.. unless you harbour feelings of guilt...or love. I've had girlfriends who are "friends" with their exes...but it's because it gives them a boost of confidence to know that he still has a weak spot for her.
These "boosts of confidence" aren't real sincerity...they are merely a way to reassure yourself that you still have someone who cares about you.
In my opinion, it's disrespectful..and it's unfortunate. Guys think differently though - they look at it as a sign of maturity when they can still relate to their exes. Some guys have had to learn the hard way...you'd have to be a girl to understand that there is a level of manipulation that girls are capable of...whether it be to gain confidence, sympathy...or just to get what they want.
I have a lingering presence in my relationship...and it bothers me to every extent...because even though i don't know this person...I know what some girls are like...and that's enough for me.
