Sunday, February 01, 2004
Space
Today, I had some "Mandy Time" - it's the time where I get to do whatever I want, relax and not feel obligated to do anything for anyone else but ME. It's great....but I realized that there were other things I'd rather be doing - like spending time with family (which I did), or spending time with friends (which I did), and spending time with my significant other (which I also did). When I finally had time to be alone, all I wanted to do was be with other people.
Is it true that once we have our needs met, we don't want them anymore?
I recently told my bf that I wanted some space - meaning more time to myself. Lately I've been feeling like I do a lot for everyone else and not enough for myself - being obligated to be places I didn't want to be. I thought that space from him would allow me to change my perspective and not go so stark raving mad when I am by myself. At the time, I knew it was what I wanted, it would do me some good to have "Mandy time" - to slow down a bit. And I've realized, I'm so afraid of being alone.
It's a scary place...being alone... I guess the scary thing is not knowing what to do with myself. For the past few years I've been running around keeping so busy just so that I'm never alone and I always have people around me. And now that I have this time...I'm at a loss. I've bought a puzzle and am slowly working away at it...perhaps the solving of one puzzle will help me to solve the rest of them.
We are all on this huge quest to be happy. Perhaps the secret is to learn how to be happy with yourself first. To feel comfortable with being alone. I realize this is necessary - I need to slow down or I'm going shut down.
Lucky for me, I have someone who understands - or at least, he's making an effort to - and he...he has taught me the definition of love.
Is it true that once we have our needs met, we don't want them anymore?
I recently told my bf that I wanted some space - meaning more time to myself. Lately I've been feeling like I do a lot for everyone else and not enough for myself - being obligated to be places I didn't want to be. I thought that space from him would allow me to change my perspective and not go so stark raving mad when I am by myself. At the time, I knew it was what I wanted, it would do me some good to have "Mandy time" - to slow down a bit. And I've realized, I'm so afraid of being alone.
It's a scary place...being alone... I guess the scary thing is not knowing what to do with myself. For the past few years I've been running around keeping so busy just so that I'm never alone and I always have people around me. And now that I have this time...I'm at a loss. I've bought a puzzle and am slowly working away at it...perhaps the solving of one puzzle will help me to solve the rest of them.
We are all on this huge quest to be happy. Perhaps the secret is to learn how to be happy with yourself first. To feel comfortable with being alone. I realize this is necessary - I need to slow down or I'm going shut down.
Lucky for me, I have someone who understands - or at least, he's making an effort to - and he...he has taught me the definition of love.
