Wednesday, February 11, 2004
When to stop talking..
Geez.. I'm in a writing mood today. I just got off of an MSN conversation with my xbf and I keep thinking, "He can still get on my nerves." What is it about him that just bothers me so!? Is it his arrogance.. his macho facade makes my skin crawl!? When we try to talk, it's almost like he is trying to read me....trying to get me to say something that he can blame me for. Perhaps he is curious but too proud to ask. Every little thing...from his hesitation to talk about something different to his tangents about how I've changed because I don't watch the same tv shows that I used to watch when I was with him. What is UP WITH THAT!? And why... oh God.. WHY does this still bother me?
I guess my thing is to try to be friends with him - my reasons become so fuzzy as the days go by because I really don't know why I bother. Forgiveness is over and done with .. it's his inability to change.. his inability to see something good.. his pessimism..his ego.. his stubbornness...his pride..i don't know how I did not see all of this before? This person, I've spent four years of my life swooning over has become such a distant.. DISTANT memory in my mind and heart.... and I'm left with memories of more bad times than good...although I know it isn't the whole truth... it's what I have chosen to remember. As I type and chat, I can't imagine how I used to spend hours on the phone with him...how there were even private moments between us..it's almost as if they didn't exist..and are no longer a part of who I am now.
When to stop talking.. it's now.. it's been done for such a long time...it was over before it was over...and now, I'm trying to search for reasons to talk...and that's when I know..it's time to stop.
I guess my thing is to try to be friends with him - my reasons become so fuzzy as the days go by because I really don't know why I bother. Forgiveness is over and done with .. it's his inability to change.. his inability to see something good.. his pessimism..his ego.. his stubbornness...his pride..i don't know how I did not see all of this before? This person, I've spent four years of my life swooning over has become such a distant.. DISTANT memory in my mind and heart.... and I'm left with memories of more bad times than good...although I know it isn't the whole truth... it's what I have chosen to remember. As I type and chat, I can't imagine how I used to spend hours on the phone with him...how there were even private moments between us..it's almost as if they didn't exist..and are no longer a part of who I am now.
When to stop talking.. it's now.. it's been done for such a long time...it was over before it was over...and now, I'm trying to search for reasons to talk...and that's when I know..it's time to stop.
