Tuesday, March 02, 2004
Ask Ellie
I always read the Ellie column in the Toronto Star - every Wed-Sat. And I almost ALWAYS agree with what she says. However I found a bit of bad advice on her part in an article a few weeks ago. Tell me if you agree:
Q How do you know if you're in love? Should I stay in a long-distance relationship when I love him but am confused whether he's "The One"? We've been dating 18 months; we're currently apart for a year for my work. I love him and would be a fool to break up with him but don't know if I'm with him for the right reasons. He has a tendency to get close and attached very soon in any relationship. Is that normal? What makes me different from any other girl he's dated? He's mentioned kids and marriage; I'm still having small crushes on other guys and wondering if there's someone else out there. I'm scared to break up because I know it'd crush his heart. Not that I want to. But I'm also scared of being alone again. Or are my worries and fears a side-effect of a long-distance relationship?
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Confused in Halifax
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A My Valentine's Day message: Yes, there IS a Cupid, and it's possible to achieve a great, loving relationship — but this one may not be it. He rushed you too quickly and has made you too worried about his needs. Look instead at your own. This year apart is an opportunity, I suggest you see others; tell him this is a necessary break, not necessarily a breakup. Be as honest with him — and yourself — as you are with me, that you believe you both started talking permanent commitment too soon. His reaction, and your own response to being "single" again, will give you more certainty either way.
Q How do you know if you're in love? Should I stay in a long-distance relationship when I love him but am confused whether he's "The One"? We've been dating 18 months; we're currently apart for a year for my work. I love him and would be a fool to break up with him but don't know if I'm with him for the right reasons. He has a tendency to get close and attached very soon in any relationship. Is that normal? What makes me different from any other girl he's dated? He's mentioned kids and marriage; I'm still having small crushes on other guys and wondering if there's someone else out there. I'm scared to break up because I know it'd crush his heart. Not that I want to. But I'm also scared of being alone again. Or are my worries and fears a side-effect of a long-distance relationship?
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Confused in Halifax
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A My Valentine's Day message: Yes, there IS a Cupid, and it's possible to achieve a great, loving relationship — but this one may not be it. He rushed you too quickly and has made you too worried about his needs. Look instead at your own. This year apart is an opportunity, I suggest you see others; tell him this is a necessary break, not necessarily a breakup. Be as honest with him — and yourself — as you are with me, that you believe you both started talking permanent commitment too soon. His reaction, and your own response to being "single" again, will give you more certainty either way.
