Wednesday, April 14, 2004
To High School and Back...
The other night I did something I said I wouldn't do. My roommate and I had discussed it and we both agreed that I should NOT say bid my xbf a happy birthday. But I did it. I saw him online and I gracefully said, "Happy Birthday." He thanked me for remembering and said that he felt old. Not wanting him to think that I was gleefully reminiscing about him, I told him that I was going to bed and wished him a happy day. I didn't think that was so bad!? It was polite, subtle, short and sweet. We hadn't talked for months....the relationship didn't end so well... lots of mixed and un-dealt-with feelings.
Well, anyway, that night, i went to bed thinking about high school and how I had lost touch with some really good people. I thought about a girlfriend who was obsessed with soap operas, a girl who talked so fast and heartily. I thought about how we used to talk about boys....music...and all the things in between. I look back at high school with a bit of bitterness... remembering how difficult it was at times...but I realized that it wasn't all that bad. I was lucky. I had a lot of friends and we always hung out together - throughout lunch, spare periods, and after school. I don't think I ever struggled to find someone to hang out with. And isn't that what it's all about?
We learned to be social... to be around other people. To find things in common. So what is it about those friends then that make then unfit to be our friends now? Why did we lose touch? I think it's about letting go.. and knowing that your friends affected you then...helped you along the way.. and perhaps that was it. There is little in common now...because our lives have changed so much. I remember going back first year and talking to a gf...telling her about my adventures away from home... and she said to me, "You're so lucky. You are actually having fun in school. I'm stuck here, with the rest of our high school." It made me feel terrible...It made me feel misunderstood.
Hm... perhaps high school was an era in my life...and it's history now. It's brought me to where I am today...but perhaps it's not good to go back and pinpoint all the mistakes I've made! =)
Well, anyway, that night, i went to bed thinking about high school and how I had lost touch with some really good people. I thought about a girlfriend who was obsessed with soap operas, a girl who talked so fast and heartily. I thought about how we used to talk about boys....music...and all the things in between. I look back at high school with a bit of bitterness... remembering how difficult it was at times...but I realized that it wasn't all that bad. I was lucky. I had a lot of friends and we always hung out together - throughout lunch, spare periods, and after school. I don't think I ever struggled to find someone to hang out with. And isn't that what it's all about?
We learned to be social... to be around other people. To find things in common. So what is it about those friends then that make then unfit to be our friends now? Why did we lose touch? I think it's about letting go.. and knowing that your friends affected you then...helped you along the way.. and perhaps that was it. There is little in common now...because our lives have changed so much. I remember going back first year and talking to a gf...telling her about my adventures away from home... and she said to me, "You're so lucky. You are actually having fun in school. I'm stuck here, with the rest of our high school." It made me feel terrible...It made me feel misunderstood.
Hm... perhaps high school was an era in my life...and it's history now. It's brought me to where I am today...but perhaps it's not good to go back and pinpoint all the mistakes I've made! =)
