Thursday, May 13, 2004
Not the Marrying Kind...?
I used to think that I wasn't the marrying kind... all my friends knew that I wasn't interested in the idea of marriage.. simply because I didn't think there was the kind of love that existed that would see two people through everything... AND also, because I wanted to be the big-time editor in a New York publishing company. haha :) I mean, the idea of tying yourself down, having kids and owning a minivan just wasn't my idea of a "happy" life.
Yesterday, I was watching the Dr. Phil show and there was a couple on going through a nasty divorce. The Dr. wasnt' trying to save their marriage...he was trying to save their relationship with each other for the sake of their kids. As my roommate and I watched these two people who vowed to love each other for the rest of their lives, bicker and hate each other, she said to me: "This is why I wouldn't want to get married." The entire time, I kept thinking: How do two people who loved each other so much ... hate each other to that extent? It IS possible.
I think growing up, we get our ideas of marriage from the most influential people we know...our parents. We look at their relationship and we learn how to deal with our problems and deal with other people. Sadly, sometimes our parents' methods are not the most..."reasonable." I look at my parents and they've been together through a lot of tough times...and although the love is somewhat faded, there is something that exists that I really commend - commitment.
They say that marriage is the ultimate form of commitment...but really...it's just a piece of paper, right? It's a ring, a ceremony, a public exchange of vows...it's a show. Why can't two people have this lifelong commitment towards each other without having to label it a "marriage?" Hmmm...I guess in a time when nothing is really sacred anymore.. marriage is the symbol of something sacred..it is the start of family.
I'm conflicted, really... i keep thinking that perhaps I'm not the marrying kind. I think of marriage and being married one day and all I can think about is how complicated the wedding is going to be ... I think about the rules..I think about the costs... I think about the public display of affection and it makes me somewhat uncomfortable. Don't get me wrong.. I look forward to spending the rest of my days with one person...but I'm not sure if I want to make a big hoop-la out of it. I want something personal...something simple..something everlasting. It's hard enough to find love....i think we put so much pressure on love when we introduce marriage and the whole concept of "I own half of what you have." When did it become such a business-like procedure and less of an emotional connection?
Yesterday, I was watching the Dr. Phil show and there was a couple on going through a nasty divorce. The Dr. wasnt' trying to save their marriage...he was trying to save their relationship with each other for the sake of their kids. As my roommate and I watched these two people who vowed to love each other for the rest of their lives, bicker and hate each other, she said to me: "This is why I wouldn't want to get married." The entire time, I kept thinking: How do two people who loved each other so much ... hate each other to that extent? It IS possible.
I think growing up, we get our ideas of marriage from the most influential people we know...our parents. We look at their relationship and we learn how to deal with our problems and deal with other people. Sadly, sometimes our parents' methods are not the most..."reasonable." I look at my parents and they've been together through a lot of tough times...and although the love is somewhat faded, there is something that exists that I really commend - commitment.
They say that marriage is the ultimate form of commitment...but really...it's just a piece of paper, right? It's a ring, a ceremony, a public exchange of vows...it's a show. Why can't two people have this lifelong commitment towards each other without having to label it a "marriage?" Hmmm...I guess in a time when nothing is really sacred anymore.. marriage is the symbol of something sacred..it is the start of family.
I'm conflicted, really... i keep thinking that perhaps I'm not the marrying kind. I think of marriage and being married one day and all I can think about is how complicated the wedding is going to be ... I think about the rules..I think about the costs... I think about the public display of affection and it makes me somewhat uncomfortable. Don't get me wrong.. I look forward to spending the rest of my days with one person...but I'm not sure if I want to make a big hoop-la out of it. I want something personal...something simple..something everlasting. It's hard enough to find love....i think we put so much pressure on love when we introduce marriage and the whole concept of "I own half of what you have." When did it become such a business-like procedure and less of an emotional connection?
