Tuesday, October 05, 2004
What You Don't Know...
I was confronted with a moral dilemma the other week and I just wanted to share it with everyone. A good friend of mine came online and we had a really long chat and it came out that he suspected his gf of cheating on him. They hadn't talked for three weeks and he was thinking of breaking up with her. He asked for my advice and I did the best I could - I told him to talk to her because I strongly believe that issues of trust need to be dealt with immediately. Little did he know.... I knew the truth.
So here's the dilemma.. do I tell him....or do I let him deal with the issue himself? His gf and I do not even know each other.. I heard it through another friend, who heard about it through the grapevine. She didn't want to tell him... so neither did I. Torn, I did the best I could without getting everyone else involved. In the end, it's all hearsay.
You see, I made the mistake once.. of telling a good friend of mine that his gf was cheating on him. Instead of praising me for my loyalty to our friendship, he condemned me for being nosy and trying to ruin the relationship - then went back to her and we have not been allowed to speak to each other since. What I thought was a good deed, backfired and made me a "bad" friend. I didn't want to make that mistake again.
However, it made me think of the boundaries of friendship. Sometimes people deserve to figure things out for themselves... any advice will go untaken and unheard. The toughest lessons in life should be learned on your own... it's a little more bearable when you have good support behind you. I will be that support for my friend if he needs me... but it is not up to me to be the one to push him towards dealing with his relationship issues. That's one thing that I have learned... when it comes to relationships.. when it comes to other peoples' relationships...the best thing to do is listen. They are not looking for your instruction... sometimes when they can talk to someone about it... it helps jog the thought process and helps them feel better of taking action - knowing that at least, they have someone who will support them.
So here's the dilemma.. do I tell him....or do I let him deal with the issue himself? His gf and I do not even know each other.. I heard it through another friend, who heard about it through the grapevine. She didn't want to tell him... so neither did I. Torn, I did the best I could without getting everyone else involved. In the end, it's all hearsay.
You see, I made the mistake once.. of telling a good friend of mine that his gf was cheating on him. Instead of praising me for my loyalty to our friendship, he condemned me for being nosy and trying to ruin the relationship - then went back to her and we have not been allowed to speak to each other since. What I thought was a good deed, backfired and made me a "bad" friend. I didn't want to make that mistake again.
However, it made me think of the boundaries of friendship. Sometimes people deserve to figure things out for themselves... any advice will go untaken and unheard. The toughest lessons in life should be learned on your own... it's a little more bearable when you have good support behind you. I will be that support for my friend if he needs me... but it is not up to me to be the one to push him towards dealing with his relationship issues. That's one thing that I have learned... when it comes to relationships.. when it comes to other peoples' relationships...the best thing to do is listen. They are not looking for your instruction... sometimes when they can talk to someone about it... it helps jog the thought process and helps them feel better of taking action - knowing that at least, they have someone who will support them.
